


never have i ever

by bewareoftrips



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Multi, Never Have I Ever, Riverparents, a little occ but what shall you do, light kissing and its not who you'd expect, not tagging couples because it touches on so many of them, parentdale, would these ten ever play a game together? probably not but i don't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bewareoftrips/pseuds/bewareoftrips
Summary: On the night of graduation, the gang plays Never Have I Ever in the woods.





	never have i ever

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Writing something without the angst? Without the feels? What is this? Well, I hope it makes you laugh at the very least.

“I think I get it,” Penelope said. She swished the flat beer around in her cup. Not her drink of choice by a long shot, but she didn’t plan on owning up to much in this silly game she got talked into. “All you do is drink if you did the thing?”

“Not as simple as that.” Hermione made to take a sip out of her cup and Mary gave her hand a light smack. “The hard part is thinking up something you’ve never done.”

“Hard for you maybe,” Alice snickered under her breath. When Hermione glared at her, she shot her a sweet smile.

“How about I go first?” Hermione asked. “Never have I ever -”

“No, Hermione.” Hal shook her head. “Penelope’s never played before. Let her go first.”

“She can’t go first if she’s never played,” she whined. “She needs to see how the game goes and the best way is to observe first.” She rolled her eyes. “Be considerate, Hal.”

Penelope shook her head quickly. “I don’t even want to go first, it’s fine.”

“Nonsense!” Sierra readjusted her valedictorian sash still draped over her. The group was about 50/50 still wearing their graduation caps, most now askew on their heads. The rest had already been lost or abandoned in the few hours since graduation. “It’s the most fun when it’s your turn. You get all the power and you don’t have to drink.” 

Alice snapped her fingers. “Oh, that’s important too. You can’t have done the thing you say.”

“And,” Hermione waved a drunken finger towards Penelope, “you can’t aim a question directly at someone! It’s cheating. Like I can’t say ‘never have I ever left my panties in the Mantle’s upstairs closet during a party’ because that would obviously be me just trying to get Alice to drink.”

FP snorted into his cup before Alice could say anything. “Fred might be able to drink for that one too.”

“Oh yeah.” Fred’s lips curled into a grin. “I have lost many a pair of panties. I’m sure I’ve left mine at Rick’s before.”

Alice raised her plastic cup above her head. “Never have I ever stuffed my bra with -”

Hal put his arm around Alice’s shoulder. “But you could,” he cut her off, “say something like ‘never have I ever left my underwear at someone’s house during a party.’ Get it? That one’s fair.”

“Sure,” Penelope nodded. She’d watched the game played multiple times before and even joined in once or twice while crashing a Greendale party. The enigma - the fun, redheaded Riverdale cheerleader who drank for everything, despite what was being said. But her classmates didn’t have to know about all of that. “But what if no one has done the thing you’re suggesting?”

“Then you have to drink,” Hiram said impatiently. “Someone has to always drink. And if you’re somehow the only one who drinks, you need to tell the story.” He bounced his knees up and down. “Can we start already? Someone should have passed out by now.”

“Just one more thing.” Penelope looked around the group of her peers, feeling surprisingly confident in herself. After all, chances were this was the last time she’d see a good lot of them. “Well, how do you win?”

A few scattered laughs filled the circle. To everyone’s surprise, it was Tom who spoke up. He was sitting to Penelope’s left, sharing a log with her right in front of the bonfire, but she’d nearly forgotten he was there. He hadn’t spoken a word all night.

“There is no winning,” he said simpy. There was a slight smile on his face but he wasn’t laughing at her. “Not all games are about winning and losing.”

Hiram put his hands together and made a noise that everyone supposed was supposed to sound like an airhorn. “That’s where you're wrong, Tommy. Every game has a way of winning.”

“Last person not puking their guts out isn’t exactly a winner.”

“Nope,” Alice chimed in. “They’re just the one who lost by the smallest amount.”

“No, no,” Fred said. “Hiram is right. The only way to win Never Have I Ever is something nearly impossible to achieve.” He stood up and poked the bonfire with a spare branch to build up suspense while everyone watched him. “Your question needs to be something everyone else in the entire group as done besides you.”

The laughter ran louder this time. Everyone was definitely laughing at Fred, not with him.

“That’s insane, Fred,” said Sierra. “And impossible! There are,” her eyes quickly scanned the circle, “ten of us here. The only way it works is if the person saying the thing has really never experienced anything. Never left their house. They’d have to say something so every day and mundane that no one would believe that they’ve never done it. Like - like never have I ever done a load of laundry.” 

Hiram raised his eyebrows. “I’ve never done a load of laundry. What’s that have to do with anything?”

Sierra rolled her eyes. “I’m not surprised. But that was just an example -”

“Hal’s never done laundry either.” Alice burst into giggles and leaned into her boyfriend’s side. His face turned red and he was grateful for the low light given off by the fire. 

“But I know how to!” he quickly tried to save face. “It’s just my mom likes doing it and -”

“Anyway!” Mary said loudly, turning her attention to Penelope. “Do you think you understand?”

“Of course she does!” FP said impatiently. “Penelope already knew how to play. Lets get going.”

She nodded, more confident this time around. “Drink if you did the thing. When it’s your turn, try to think of something you’ve never done but you think a lot of people in the group have done. Try not to pick on anyone. Winner is the one who - who gets the most people to drink in a single round?” She looks around the group at her suggestion and sees a few impressed nods.

“I told you guys Penelope was fun,” FP said with a wink. Penelope scowled at him, but still appreciated the comment. It wasn’t everyday she got called fun.

“Yeah, yeah.” Fred raised his cup. “So winner gets the most people to drink in one sitting. Lets let the rule bringer go first after all.”

“But I have a good one!” Hermione cried. 

Hiram slide his arm around Hermione. “Just let her have this so we can move the game along. You can go next.”

Penelope locked eyes with Fred. “I really hope this isn’t considered picking on someone, but, well - well, I think it’s a real fun one.” She looked around the group of teens slowly. “Never have I ever kissed Fred Andrews!”

An uproar of laughter filled the circle. Sierra let out a shrill, “Oh my god!”

“Good one, Pen!” Hermione tapped her plastic cup against Mary’s in cheer and they both drank. FP and Sierra followed immediately. Penelope felt a bit of disappointment in her chest. Four wasn’t bad but -

“Yeah, good one, Penelope,” Alice muttered under her breath. She raised her cup and took a sip. Hal looked between her and Fred and quickly took a sip himself. Alice snorted her drink back into her cup before he even put his down.

“Hal!” She stared at him as if she’d never seen him before. “What the -”

“It was a sleepover!” he explained quickly. “It didn’t mean anything, we just - we weren’t dating yet and like - wait. When did you -”

“Fourth grade!” She looked over her shoulder and glared at Fred. “I said I wanted my first kiss to be with someone I trusted it. One of my best friends. So I kissed this idiot and he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I smacked him and we -”

“I didn’t know how to kiss yet!” Fred laughed and leaned his head on Mary. “I was nine! That’s what it looked like when they kissed in the movies.”

“Fuck fourth grade!” Hermione placed her chin in her hands. “I want to know more about this sleepover, Hal.”

“I want to know more about this sleepover too!” FP looked suspiciously between Hal and Fred. “I’ve never heard this one.”

“Me neither!” Alice glared at Fred. “Where do you think you get off kissing my boyfriend?”

Fred pressed his lips together to hold in a smile. “It was before you were even together, so, you know. You’re welcome.” 

Hal took Alice’s hand. “Maybe we should talk about this later?”

“I -”

“I want to hear about it now!” Hermione called gleefully. “Sounds dramatic.”

“Same.” Hiram’s eyes bore into Hal. “How did you never tell me?”

“I -”

“Yeah, Fred.” FP gave Fred a light punch in the arm, but his eyes narrowed. “Why’d you never tell me?”

“I -”

“Hey!” Mary said with a start. Fred got off her shoulder immediately, afraid the shout was at him, but her eyes searched the others. “Good start. I guess we should keep score? So Penelope has 6 people. Nice start. I think I have a pen in my purse.”

Fred reached out and grabbed Mary’s shoulder as she twisted her body on the tree stump they were sharing. “Not so fast, Mare.” Fred looked to each person and smiled. “Someone hasn’t owned up yet.” 

Alice let out an exaggerated gasp. “Penelope would never! She has a reputation to maintain!”

Penelope rolled her eyes. “Hah. Clearly not me if I brought it up.”

“Not Tom,” Sierra scoffed. She craned her neck around Penelope to get a better look at him. “You once told me you thought kissing Fred would be like -”

“Not Tom,” Fred sung. His lips twitched into a smile and it took all his willpower not to burst into laughter. “But you guys are getting closer.”

“But that’s everyone!” Hermione insisted. “Seven of us, plus you and Penelope. All that leaves is, well,” she tossed back her head, “Hiram and we all know that it wasn’t - Hiram?”

Hiram fixed his eyes on the millions of stars above him. He took a sip from his cup so quickly his graduation cap fell off his head. Hermione smacked his arm and he spit his beer to the dirt with a cough. 

“Hiram!” she shouted. A few bats flew out of the tree above them at her voice and found refuge elsewhere. “Fred! What the - how? When?” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “What the fuck, guys?”

“It’s not what you think!” Hiram coughed out the last bit of his beer. “It didn’t even count, we were pretending!”

FP had dropped his cup to the dirt and had his arms crossed over his chest. “How do you guys pretend kiss?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have called it pretend,” Fred laughed. He nudged Mary’s side, but she scowled at him too.

“I never heard this story either,” she muttered under her breath. She gave up the search for a pen in her bag and let it fall to the floor. “Spill.”

“There is nothing to spill!” Hiram cried out. “It was a joke!”

Hal turned to Alice. “See? My story isn’t anywhere near this good.”

Hermione pouted her lips. “Both of you kept this from me. Tell.”

“There’s nothing to tell!” Hiram waved his arms furiously. “Right Fred?”

Fred frowned at Mary. “Not much. We had to kiss so people thought we were making out.”

Alice snorted. “Okay, and now this makes even less sense.”

Hiram kicked his feet into the dirt. “We broke into Thornhill’s property to go swimming and got caught so we kissed and told them we were there to hook up because we were embarrassed and didn’t want them to call the police!”

“Wait.” The frown fell from Mary’s face, taken over with one of confusion. “Why would they not call the police if you guys admit you broke in to hook up?”

“Well, it was all Hiram’s idea, not mine.” Fred stretched the name out, glad at least Mary wasn’t mad at him anymore. “You know, take pity on the poor teenagers trying to get some privacy. It’s worked for me before.” He dared a glance at FP, but his friend was still glaring daggers at him.

“So see?” Hiram said quickly. “It didn’t count so that’s that. Let’s never talk about it again.”

“Oh no,” Sierra said. “It totally counted.” She reached into her own purse and pulled out a pencil and notepad. “So seven for Penelope. Way to go, considering the best score you could have gotten on that was an eight since Fred can’t very well kiss himself.”

“But now I feel bad.” Fred stood up and pouted. “Penelope deserves a perfect score.” He walked around the fire and stopped right in front of the log Penelope and Tom were sitting on together.

Penelope felt a flush crawl up her face. “I’m not going to kiss you, Fred! Not for a silly game.”

“Not you.” 

A few snickers came from the rest of the group. Penelope looked around and noticed no one was actually looking at her. Everyone’s eyes were fixed on - 

Oh no. 

Tom stareed idly into his plastic cup, looking fascinated by the light foam still topping it. A few more seconds passed until he noticed the silence and finally looked up. The entire crowd burst into laughter.

“What?” he asked. Fred stared down at him with a twisted grin. “What?”

“A quick peck, Tommy, please?” Fred put his hands together in prayer. “Pretty please? With a cherry on top?”

“Huh?” Tom looked to Penelope on his one side and Sierra on his other. “I’m not - no, Fred. I’m not kissing you.”

“But you’re the only one here who’s never! You really want to leave Riverdale being the only one who’s never kissed Fred Andrews?”

“I wish I could be that lucky,” Alice whispered. Hal shushed her.

“I - no, Fred. I don’t,” he turned helplessly to Penelope. “Penelope’s never kissed you either.”

“But it’s still Penelope’s turn.”

“So? You’ll still go home tonight not having kissed everyone in this group. Right? Right?”

“Okay but -”

“So,” he stood up and put his hand gently on Penelope’s arm, tugging her up with him, “I’ll only do it if Penelope does. Fair?”

“No!” Penelope insisted. “Not fair!” She tried to sit back down but Tom took her arm again. “I don’t just go around kissing any old boy!”

“Debatable,” Hermione said mid yawn. Penelope glared at her and Hermione returned a smile. “Oh just do it, Pen. He has a lot of experience so you know he’s not bad at it at least.”

“I - I -” Tom let go of her arm and took a step back towards their log. “Fred, your girlfriend is right there!”

Mary pursed her lips and looked Penelope up and down. “You know what? I’ll allow it. Fred has some weird bucket list for high school and who am I to stop him from completing it?”

“But, I - Tom?” She turned to him, now sitting sideways on the log they were sharing. “You swear you’ll do it too, right? I kiss Fred and then you kiss Fred?”

He held up his hands so she could see he wasn’t crossing his fingers. “Promise.”

“It’s just for a gag, right?” She laughed uncertainty. “Just so we can look back at this day and laugh?”

“God, just do it already!” Hiram insisted. “We should all be puking in the bushes by this point.”

Hal pulled a face. “Don’t talk about puking when people are about to kiss.”

“This kiss is going to make me puke.” Alice stuck out her tongue. “I’m so glad I got kissing Fred out of the way early. Who knows what that mouth has seen by this point?”

“Probably the same sort of stuff your mouth as seen too, Al.” FP ducked as Alice tossed a accorn in his direction.

Fred pulled Penelope closer to the fire. “Ready?”

Her heart sped up in her chest. She’d kissed plenty of boys before, but never so publicly. But half of these people would be leaving Riverdale in the upcoming months. Her good reputation could still stay in tact. 

“So how do we -”

Fred smacked his lips right into hers and his hands went to her back for support. Before she knew what was happening, Fred dipped her. She felt like she was in some old black and white movie, the lonely heroine getting swept off her feet by some prince charming. 

She was light headed when he finally set her upright. Cheers and laughter fill her ears and she tried to gauge whether it had been five seconds or five minutes. When she opened her eyes, there was no prince in front of her though - just the same scrawny Fred Andrew’s she’d known since grade school. Only now he had a goofy grin on his face, lightly outlined red with her own lipstick. 

“Well?” he asked, wiping his mouth unceremoniously with the back of his hand. Mary rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway.

Penelope felt the heat all over her face, but she kept her voice steady. “I’ve had better.” The crowd around them whooped loudly at her response and she felt a thrill at having gotten that response. “Hopefully you’ll have better luck next time. Tom? It’s your -”

She turned to the log behind her, now empty. A graduation cap sat on it and she was sure if she picked it up T. KELLER would be written inside in permanent marker. 

“Fuck,” Penelope blurted out. She covered her mouth with her hands as the rest of the group started laughing at Tom’s escape.

“Fuck indeed.” Fred pouted placing his hands on his hips. “He was really the one I wanted to cross off.”

“Good news is you’re definitely going to win now,” Sierra said as she scratched something in her notebook. 

“Well, sit down, sit down,” Hermione called. “Finally my turn.” She pretended to think for a second before raising her cup. “Never have I ever snuck into Thornhill to go skinny dipping.”


End file.
